COPING WITH THE LOSS OF YOUR PET

By Christine McNiff, LMHC, NCC, Certified Pet Loss Counselor

First and foremost, let me offer my condolences on the loss of your beloved pet. Following are some guidelines that may help you deal with the pain associated with this emotional experience:

• Allow yourself time to grieve. The loss of a pet can bring about powerful emotional reactions. This is a natural part of the grieving process. Don't feel guilty about the intensity of the emotions you may feel.
• A memorial service, burial, or placement of ashes encourages healing in coping with the loss process.
• Understand that, frequently, well-meaning friends and family may not understand the close bond that develops between animal lovers and their companion or service animals. Therefore, they may say things that are not helpful, like: "he was only a dog", or "she was just a pet." Comments such as these can make us feel worse about our intense grieving. That's why it's so important to seek out solace from those who understand what you're going through; i.e., others who know what it's like to lose a pet and have been there and understand; pet loss counselors; support groups; or on-line services.
• Memorializing the pet in some way can be a gentle coping ritual. Some rituals of this type which people have found helpful include:
  • Planting a tree or garden in the animal's memory
  • Donating money, food, or supplies to an animal shelter in the pet's name
  • Creating a photo album
  • Writing a good-bye letter
• Pay special attention to children who have lost a pet. Children will model adults' behaviors so let them know it's okay to express their feelings. Answer their questions simply and directly. Drawing, writing and talking together about the pet can help children express themselves.
• If the grieving process becomes too intense, don't hesitate to seek a counselor who is a pet lover and, preferably, one who has been trained in the area of loss and bereavement.

Christine McNiff is in private practice in Concord, MA. She is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, a Nationally Certified Counselor, and a Certified Pet Bereavement Counselor who was trained in pet loss in New York City with "The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement". Christine can be reached through her website at: www.cmcniff.com

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