My family and I have lost several dearly loved pets over the years.  My children, now 12 and 10 have experienced the pain of pet loss and my wife and I have done our best to support and comfort them.  I am not a professional counselor but hope this advice, drawn from our own experiences, can help your children with the loss of a pet.

Helping your child to deal with the loss of a pet can be very difficult.   A child can have an almost parent/child relationship with a pet and not just a buddy/buddy relationship.   So you want to be cautious when handling the situation as the result may have an influence on your child's outlook on life,  death,  social interactions,  empathy for others,  and even their own sense of emotional security.

Each situation may have to be handled a little differently.   For example, if a pet goes missing and you don't know what happened, closer for the child may be difficult as they will be unsure if the pet is okay or not.  

If this happens,  you want to tell him or her things like "They might come back,  'he/she' is probably having an adventure some where"  and if more time passes you can say "You took care of 'him/her'' very well,  if they did pass away you don't have to worry about him/her thinking that you didn't love him/her".

Losing a pet to a car accident or a very brief illness can be especially traumatic if the child witnesses the event or does not have a chance to say goodbye. If your family pet has been in an accident or died of an illness. In this instance, you want to try saying "There wasn't anything you could do",  again you'd want to add "You took very good care of him/her..." and "You don't have to worry,  he/she isn't suffering any more" or "he/she is in a better place now".  

If your pet is suffering from a long term illness and the decision to Euthanize has been made, try to explain to your child why it’s the best thing for the pet and give them time to say goodbye to their friend.    

For all pet owners, the loss of a pet is an extremely difficult time, but one we know will come someday.  Not to say that ever makes it easier to accept. But unfortunately death and loss are part of life.   The loss of a pet can be an introduction to this aspect of life and if handled properly can help your child to better deal with loss later on in adulthood.

Some activities you could suggest to your child going through this difficult time are: 

• Have them create a Memorial for their pet. This could simply be a drawing or poem that could be framed or a collage of photos. Something that they can keep with them to remember their pet.
• Have a short ceremony with the family to read a poem or talk about all the things you loved about your pet.
• Writing about how they feel. Sometimes just writing down their thoughts can help express how they feel.
• Volunteering at an animal shelter. I would not suggest doing this right away but it could help them continue to feel comfortable around pets.
• Spending time with friends
• Focusing on a favorite hobby

These compassionate and effective approaches are meant to help your child cope with their loss without making them feel like they should ignore their feelings or cause them to hang on to their pain.   You can expect your child to be in a grieving process for a while, often going through the stages of loss. Just have patience with them, it can take several months. Offer your sympathy, sensitive advice and how much you love them.